I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Terrible idea I love it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
