And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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