It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
