the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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