My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
