There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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