I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
