if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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