I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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