You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
