I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
