So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
