if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
