I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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