Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
