I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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