Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
