you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
