I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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