Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
