i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
