Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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