Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
