I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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