Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
