Define "chronic" masturbator.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
