can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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