we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
In America we eat man semen.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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