I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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