WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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