I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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