remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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