remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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