i think my tv is drunk
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
thus making me awesome and them whores
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
