if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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