he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
