If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize