u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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