DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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