it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
