Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Please, let me fuck your mom
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
