Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
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Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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