Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
