We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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