here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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