Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
