I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
