just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
