I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
