My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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