I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
