Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
