The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
