Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she woke up with a sticky ear
this boner is exhausting
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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