Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think my nap took me to another dimension
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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