ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
