do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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