I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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