considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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