"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
