At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
