We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
