Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
