Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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