We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
