Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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