I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
