hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
