she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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