dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
