her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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