As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
