yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
