Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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